The Myth of Family

I am beginning to think that the concept of family is a myth. Correction: the concept of extended family is a myth. I have my husband and my kids and my mom. It pretty much stops there. I moved to the crap hole known as New Jersey so that I could be near my family and extended family. Shortly after moving there my father and my brother died, within 8 months of each other. I try and keep in touch with everyone the best I can, mainly cousins. I use Facebook, send Christmas cards and emails. I really don’t know what else I can do except accept the fact that my dream of what family is supposed to be doesn’t exist. 

I had this dream that I would see my cousins all the time. I live less than 45 minutes from the epicenter of their world which is much closer than anytime in my life. I thought we would be invited to birthday parties, holiday parties, baptisms, First Communions, anniversaries, etc. Just like I have been doing to them but the invitations rarely came. I would see the postings on Facebook of my cousins’ children, the same age as mine, all gathered together hugging with broad smiles. This leaves my heart wanting and my cynicism growing. Didn’t they know I would want to be there? I tried harder when I first moved to the area but was put down for my efforts. My eldest cousin told me to not press so hard. She said it just makes everyone feel bad. She told me this every time I called her, no matter what the topic, she would press on to me to stop asking to be invited. 

Don’t worry, I’ve gotten over it, its cool. It is as it has always been, just us. My husband always comments that we need a guest room or think about when throngs of people visit us or how we can meet up with family during vacations and I have to give him the reality. No one is coming. He thinks we need to go to Florida and see our friends. I say, they can visit us. He has made many trips to Florida to see his friends – best men in our wedding, long time friends, etc. but they have never made the trip to see us. No, that’s wrong, our best man came a couple times and that was nice but I think we footed some of the bill. No, no one is coming. I have an Aunt and Uncle that lived less than 2 hours from us in Virginia, they never came to our house. Those that ever do stay with us comment on what great hosts we are. We make large breakfasts, feasts for dinner, bottles of wine flowing, fires in the back yard and seeing all the sites. But no one is going to  know it unless they come. No one comes. 

I can also begin to think that maybe its me or us. No, really, it could be. I am kind of overbearing and intimidating to people I work with and I would hate to think that I am that way to family but its possible. Nah.

I tell my husband that at the end of the day its just us. Just the 4 of us. Any vacation plans we make, room furnishings and holiday plans need to just be for us. No assumptions that we are ever going to see anyone. Nope. It makes my husband sad and he doesn’t understand it and I suspect he takes it personally. We have a great life, just the 4 of us but I wonder about my children. They never see their cousins and some day when I am gone they need to know they have family. My husband and I are older and reality is we might never see our Grandchildren. My children will live long after we are gone and they need to know family. On the bright side they do have my best friend, Evelyn and her family. My kids call her and her husband, Aunt and Uncle, and we refer to their children as cousins to mine. We make huge efforts to bridge the gaps between us in miles. When I move back to Virginia we will be only 6 hours from them. We can’t wait because I know we will see them more than my cousins that are 45 minutes away. Don’t get me wrong, I love my cousins and that will never change. I just wish I could see them more. I understand they have their own lives and own families to worry about and I am just a cousin and one of many. I cherish the childhood memories of being with them and don’t lay blame on them for this ranting. It really is me and my thoughts that the myth of family could be reality for me.