You're Married? And You're WHAT?!?!

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

In my line of work one of the first questions I ask someone is about their marital status. About 95% are divorced and 99% are heterosexuals. In my line of work, with veterans, the military life does lead to a lot of divorces. I say 99% are heterosexuals because I don’t ask. This is not because of the military’s old “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy but because I don’t care. Really, I don’t. My question is: Why does anyone? And why does anyone care who marries who?

In 1967 the Supreme ruled that anti-miscegenation laws were unconstitutional. Yes, I had to look up the word “miscegenation” and it means the mixing of racial groups through marriage, procreating, cohabitating, etc. In the late 19^th century the laws, mostly out west, referred to Chinese immigrants that came to work on the railroads. In the south it referred, mostly, to African Americans and Caucasians. I bring this up because this was not that long ago! I was born in 1967! The computer was being born and a man was preparing to walk on the moon (1969). But laws like this make us look like…I don’t know…backwards. My best friend is married to a man from India and they live in North Carolina. The first interracial marriage in North Carolina was in 1971 and in 1977, North Carolina validated all interracial marriages deemed invalid in the past. It really wasn’t, that long ago.

I bring this up because of the issue of “Gay Marriage” that is in the press, papers, courtrooms, water coolers, blogs, posts, tweets, etc. My best friend got into an argument with her cousin over same sex marriage and she brought up the point that her marriage would have been illegal in North Carolina before 1967. To younger readers, born in late 70s and later, this whole race argument probably seems ridiculous and wonders how that could have even been an issue. I feel exactly the same way about same sex marriage. To me, it is the ultimate, “who cares?” It really does beg the question of, “why should I care?”

What is it about same sex marriage that freaks people out? Serving in the military with homosexuals doesn’t bother me or most people that serve. Everyone always knew who was gay and no one really cared as long as they did their job. The “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy was really in place to protect gays that served from homophobes that would do them harm. Most men who serve also have the caveat of, “As long as they don’t bring it to me…” That painfully shows how little straight men know of gay men. I would, of course, have to say, “What makes you think a breeder like you would be found attractive by a gay guy?” My point is not about gays in the military but about fear. For some totally unknown reason, at least to me, heterosexuals feel it is their right to decide if gays can marry. Just like it was white men who decided what races should marry. Welcome to the 1800s! How far we have come!

Oh, wait! It’s about “family values,” right? The sanctity of marriage, right? (I am not even going to touch on religion here.) Family values? I know a couple raising children, own their home, do good in their community, work full time…and are gay. Strikes at the heart of family values, you say? It wasn’t that long ago that if a woman wanted to work outside the home that is was going to cause family life upheaval. Yeah, the family values argument is total crap. I never even heard this expression until the gay marriage debate started raging out of control like a prostitute with a member of Congress. Oops, did I say that out loud?

I have been involved in the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) community over the past 6 months. I was introduced to someone that produces a web series about gay men over 50 looking for love in all the wrong places. Well, that is just my TV Guide description, really it is a lot more than that (look for my next blog on the show!). Leon, who produces the show, and I often chat on Facebook about life, relationships, work, our age, etc. I talk about my husband and he talks about his. I don’t think of myself as chatting with someone who gay. I think I am chatting with another human being. Leon asked me to assist him in researching websites, blogs, etc. in the LGBT community to get publicity and attention to his show. I was happy to do it! One thing it did was really introduce me to the LGBT world. I feel they have to segregate themselves into these labels because that is what society has done. This is a “gay” web series but to me, it is just a web-series about the same things that many humans are experiencing. I don’t talk about Leon as my “gay friend.” He is just my friend. (When I am late night chatting with Leon, I do tell my husband that Leon is gay. Sigh.) I suppose I never heard of the expression LGBT because I didn’t think of someone that was L, G, B or T, as being any different than me – in the game of life.

Gay marriage. Really, what IS this about? I still don’t know. I am sure in 1967 it was thought that legalizing interracial marriage would mean the end of America. I am sure the headlines screamed about the end of the American family, way of life, sanctity of the home, communities, etc. We seem to have made it okay. We will also survive gay marriage just fine too. I look forward to the day when marriage is marriage and we are all just humans.