The Myth of Family

I am beginning to think that the concept of family is a myth. Correction: the concept of extended family is a myth. I have my husband and my kids and my mom. It pretty much stops there. I moved to the crap hole known as New Jersey so that I could be near my family and extended family. Shortly after moving there my father and my brother died, within 8 months of each other. I try and keep in touch with everyone the best I can, mainly cousins. I use Facebook, send Christmas cards and emails. I really don’t know what else I can do except accept the fact that my dream of what family is supposed to be doesn’t exist. 

I had this dream that I would see my cousins all the time. I live less than 45 minutes from the epicenter of their world which is much closer than anytime in my life. I thought we would be invited to birthday parties, holiday parties, baptisms, First Communions, anniversaries, etc. Just like I have been doing to them but the invitations rarely came. I would see the postings on Facebook of my cousins’ children, the same age as mine, all gathered together hugging with broad smiles. This leaves my heart wanting and my cynicism growing. Didn’t they know I would want to be there? I tried harder when I first moved to the area but was put down for my efforts. My eldest cousin told me to not press so hard. She said it just makes everyone feel bad. She told me this every time I called her, no matter what the topic, she would press on to me to stop asking to be invited. 

Don’t worry, I’ve gotten over it, its cool. It is as it has always been, just us. My husband always comments that we need a guest room or think about when throngs of people visit us or how we can meet up with family during vacations and I have to give him the reality. No one is coming. He thinks we need to go to Florida and see our friends. I say, they can visit us. He has made many trips to Florida to see his friends – best men in our wedding, long time friends, etc. but they have never made the trip to see us. No, that’s wrong, our best man came a couple times and that was nice but I think we footed some of the bill. No, no one is coming. I have an Aunt and Uncle that lived less than 2 hours from us in Virginia, they never came to our house. Those that ever do stay with us comment on what great hosts we are. We make large breakfasts, feasts for dinner, bottles of wine flowing, fires in the back yard and seeing all the sites. But no one is going to  know it unless they come. No one comes. 

I can also begin to think that maybe its me or us. No, really, it could be. I am kind of overbearing and intimidating to people I work with and I would hate to think that I am that way to family but its possible. Nah.

I tell my husband that at the end of the day its just us. Just the 4 of us. Any vacation plans we make, room furnishings and holiday plans need to just be for us. No assumptions that we are ever going to see anyone. Nope. It makes my husband sad and he doesn’t understand it and I suspect he takes it personally. We have a great life, just the 4 of us but I wonder about my children. They never see their cousins and some day when I am gone they need to know they have family. My husband and I are older and reality is we might never see our Grandchildren. My children will live long after we are gone and they need to know family. On the bright side they do have my best friend, Evelyn and her family. My kids call her and her husband, Aunt and Uncle, and we refer to their children as cousins to mine. We make huge efforts to bridge the gaps between us in miles. When I move back to Virginia we will be only 6 hours from them. We can’t wait because I know we will see them more than my cousins that are 45 minutes away. Don’t get me wrong, I love my cousins and that will never change. I just wish I could see them more. I understand they have their own lives and own families to worry about and I am just a cousin and one of many. I cherish the childhood memories of being with them and don’t lay blame on them for this ranting. It really is me and my thoughts that the myth of family could be reality for me. 

Going Ape

The following is an excerpt from my future book, Movies with My Dad and Other Tales from a Sci Fi Life.
The Margate Twin was only open during the summer and, in a tourist town, they always had to have something playing. The $1 kid’s matinee price was priceless and what they showed were well worth the buck. My father would give my brother and me $2 each and send us to the movies. This worked well on a rainy day or a day that was just not a “beach day.” I also don't think all the movies were for him. The Margate Twin would show second run, third run and the occasional older movies like the Planet of the Apes (1968). Ah, the Planet of the Apes. About now, gentle reader, you are either saying, "ugh," "right on," or an emotion somewhere in-between. At around 7 or 8 years old the Apes movies were more than other worldly. They were amazing!

This was the early 70s and to imagine space travel like that seemed reachable. The frightening world the astronauts landed on was surreal. You knew, watching it that something was going to happen to them and it wasn’t going to be good. The landscape was absolutely desolate and creepy. The posters had the Apes on them, not so scary, but when they first appear on horseback to round the humans up, totally scary. The film angle from the point of view of the humans - seeing the net, hearing the horses, hearing the guns and seeing the hooves of the horses as the humans hid in the brush – gives me chills today. Then captured and rounded up – I was practically under my seat. Charlton Heston was already known to me as Moses, from watching the Ten Commandments on TV, but this was no Moses. His character, Taylor, was certainly tough enough and I could feel his frustration of not being able to speak. Maybe it was being a child and not being understood by adults, hard to say but I could completely understand Taylor and his need to escape. When he does finally take off out of the prison and runs through the museum, of what appears to be natural history, there is a human on display, one of his fellow astronauts. This ads to the further freakiness of the movie and my fear of being captured. When Heston speaks, the now eternal line, "Take your paws off me, you damn dirty ape," it certainly makes one take pause. The end was, of course, the big shocker - The entire time he was on Earth (sorry if I just ruined it for anyone). There were subsequent follow up movies that I enjoyed, every last bit - Beneath, Escape, Conquest and Battle For The Planet of the Apes. All of them fun for the endless pretend to play of a child.

Besides climbing from roof to roof or running through the side yards of our neighbors, the beach seemed to be the best fitting place to play Planet of the Apes. Since most of the movie is set in some kind of desert locale it was perfect. It didn't matter the time of year, the beach was fun to run on and, like in the movie, very few places to hide. There was a large concrete structure on the beach leftover from a pier, a foundation, the old boardwalk...we were never sure and we found it fun to hide behind and jump off of. We would pretend to be running from the apes or planning how to take back the Earth. Often, we would just recreate the entire movie, as much as we could, at least the outside scenes. My cousins would sometimes, once again, be sucked in. This lead to more characters like some being Cornelius or some random gorilla that was out to get us.

When I was much older and living with my father and brother, there was much excitement if there was a Planet of the Apes marathon on TV. I remember one time there was a different one on each night! We had the popcorn popping! My father would, begrudgingly, watch it with us. Since we would hold the TV hostage for the week, he had no choice. When the new movie came out in 2001, my husband and I went to see it. We were amazed by the sell-out crowd and had to see a later show. There were guys dressed in ape costumes - it was very cool. I had no idea the fervor it would bring! The movie was enjoyable. The humans were frightened, the apes were suitably scary and the plot was acceptable but it’s hard to have a Planet of the Apes movie without Roddy McDowell. No worries because there was Charlton Heston.

The Apes franchise continues and although the movies are fun and entertaining, my mind still takes me back to the Margate Twin and the days on the beach of being an astronaut.