“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at
each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.” ~Antoine de
Saint-Exupéry
In my line
of work one of the first questions I ask someone is about their marital status.
About 95% are divorced and 99% are heterosexuals. In my line of work, with
veterans, the military life does lead to a lot of divorces. I say 99% are
heterosexuals because I don’t ask. This is not because of the military’s old “don’t
ask, don’t tell” policy but because I don’t care. Really, I don’t. My question
is: Why does anyone? And why does anyone care who marries who?
In 1967 the
Supreme ruled that anti-miscegenation laws were unconstitutional. Yes,
I had to look up the word “miscegenation” and it means the mixing of racial
groups through marriage, procreating, cohabitating, etc. In the late 19th
century the laws, mostly out west, referred to Chinese immigrants that came to
work on the railroads. In the south it referred, mostly, to African Americans
and Caucasians. I bring this up because this was not that long ago! I was born
in 1967! The computer was being born and a man was preparing to walk on the
moon (1969). But laws like this make us look like…I don’t know…backwards. My
best friend is married to a man from India and they live in North Carolina. The
first interracial marriage in North Carolina was in 1971 and in 1977, North
Carolina validated all interracial marriages deemed invalid in the past. It
really wasn’t, that long ago.
I bring this up because of the issue of “Gay Marriage”
that is in the press, papers, courtrooms, water coolers, blogs, posts, tweets,
etc. My best friend got into an argument with her cousin over same sex marriage
and she brought up the point that her marriage would have been illegal in North
Carolina before 1967. To younger readers, born in late 70s and later, this
whole race argument probably seems ridiculous and wonders how that could have
even been an issue. I feel exactly the same way about same sex marriage. To me,
it is the ultimate, “who cares?” It really does beg the question of, “why
should I care?”
What is it about same sex marriage that freaks people
out? Serving in the military with homosexuals doesn’t bother me or most people
that serve. Everyone always knew who was gay and no one really cared as long as
they did their job. The “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy was really in place to
protect gays that served from homophobes that would do them harm. Most men who
serve also have the caveat of, “As long as they don’t bring it to me…” That
painfully shows how little straight men know of gay men. I would, of course,
have to say, “What makes you think a breeder like you would be found attractive
by a gay guy?” My point is not about gays in the military but about fear. For
some totally unknown reason, at least to me, heterosexuals feel it is their
right to decide if gays can marry. Just like it was white men who decided what
races should marry. Welcome to the 1800s! How far we have come!
Oh, wait! It’s about “family values,” right? The sanctity
of marriage, right? (I am not even going to touch on religion here.) Family
values? I know a couple raising children, own their home, do good in their
community, work full time…and are gay. Strikes at the heart of family values,
you say? It wasn’t that long ago that if a woman wanted to work outside the
home that is was going to cause family life upheaval. Yeah, the family values
argument is total crap. I never even heard this expression until the gay marriage
debate started raging out of control like a prostitute with a member of
Congress. Oops, did I say that out loud?
I have been involved in the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender) community over the past 6 months. I was introduced to someone that
produces a web series about gay men over 50 looking for love in all the wrong
places. Well, that is just my TV Guide description, really it is a lot more
than that (look for my next blog on the show!). Leon, who produces the show,
and I often chat on Facebook about life, relationships, work, our age, etc. I
talk about my husband and he talks about his. I don’t think of myself as
chatting with someone who gay. I think I am chatting with another human being. Leon
asked me to assist him in researching websites, blogs, etc. in the LGBT community
to get publicity and attention to his show. I was happy to do it! One thing it
did was really introduce me to the LGBT world. I feel they have to segregate
themselves into these labels because that is what society has done. This is a “gay”
web series but to me, it is just a web-series about the same things that many
humans are experiencing. I don’t talk about Leon as my “gay friend.” He is just
my friend. (When I am late night chatting with Leon, I do tell my husband that
Leon is gay. Sigh.) I suppose I never heard of the expression LGBT because I
didn’t think of someone that was L, G, B or T, as being any different than me –
in the game of life.
Gay marriage. Really, what IS this about? I still don’t
know. I am sure in 1967 it was thought that legalizing interracial marriage
would mean the end of America. I am sure the headlines screamed about the end
of the American family, way of life, sanctity of the home, communities, etc. We
seem to have made it okay. We will also survive gay marriage just fine too. I
look forward to the day when marriage is marriage and we are all just humans.
